got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
