Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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