Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
