Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
