So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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