I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
