girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
