True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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