OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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