Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
