I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My vagina is officially offended.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize