I am spending my child support on dildos
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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