Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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