i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
