No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
