i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
