I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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