Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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