Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
