no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
