ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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