Sry I called you an 8
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize