you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
