so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
