ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize