What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
