His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
