OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
