I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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