she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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