If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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