Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My bed smells like the plague
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize