they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
