Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize