We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
