I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i would punch a child for taco bell
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
