I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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