oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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