I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
