hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
