I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
