you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize