Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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