Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize