So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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