too bad you live with your parents still
He kissed a someone with a penis
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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