What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
