I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
