You just made me feel so damn special
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
