I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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