we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
