I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
