Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize