Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
