my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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