i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
