dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had sex on a roof
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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