Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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