If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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