SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
