I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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