"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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