Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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