Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
