He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
